The Loneliness in December.

Danish metal band Mercenary released the song “Isolation (The Loneliness in December)” in 2008, as part of their album Architect of Lies.
More often than not, thoughts with profound wisdom sound better in my head and seem to become diluted when I write them on the empty page.
Who else fears the empty page?
You can see what I’m doing here, procrastinating about writing, by writing!
Let’s get to it then!
That song title, above, reverberates with many aspects surrounding those often-debilitating feelings I have encountered during the festive season.
Before I shipped out for basic training in the military, that December, many years ago, I was surrounded by all those who I loved, and I had all I needed.
There was no isolation.
I wasn’t alone.
What I did experience was a lack of connection. Yes, I was lonely in the middle of a crowd, filled with laughing smiling faces.
I felt nobody could share the uncertainty I felt about the year to come.
Nobody else in that immediate group had even been conscripted to go out there to serve.

Being alone has been confused with “feeling lonely.”
I enjoy being alone. I enjoy the solitude of sitting alone in a coffee-shop at times.
But solitude can be interrupted, “Matt, dude, what are you doing here, all by yourself? Do you need some company? I hope I’m not intruding?”
Instead of stuttering back with a half-assed and awkward reply, I’ve learned to say, “Of course! Have a seat, the flat-whites here are great!”
“Society” is an abstract construct, but yeah, whatever, Society sometimes leads us to believe that when you are alone, it could be construed as being a cultural stigma, within the “ever-connectedness” of this age: Where “being alone” becomes a choice, “being lonely,” however is a reaction, or experience of not being understood, heard, loved, or seen within a crowd, or conversely, within any relationship.
So, how does one deal with loneliness?
I don’t know, because “one” is “everyone,” and I’ve learned not to attempt speaking on behalf of everyone.
I will pander to the obvious: “There is a wealth of information available out there, start researching.”
And it does seem trite, but it’s true. If you understand that maybe you’re feeling isolated, instead of being lonely, you gain a better grasp towards formulating a personal plan for dealing with stuff.
Just on that point, I never wrote to the band, Mercenary, saying, “Isolation does not necessarily equate loneliness.”

Loneliness is not a life sentence. It’s a feeling. My feelings have evolved with time.
I understood those feelings pushed me towards bad spaces, and that’s when I reached towards professional help.
But the bottom-line for me was, opening that internal dialogue where I question what’s happening, without being unkind to myself.
Loneliness has never been my fault, and I stopped judging myself once I realized that.
If you can put a name to something, you can get a handle on it.
And understanding the language of what you are experiencing helps a lot.
That is my belief.

On a very practical level, whenever I find myself alone, and I feel that it starts morphing into loneliness, I begin walking.
I leave the house, and I walk, as long as I need to, as far as I need to.
While on my routes, I start observing those who are also lonely, alone, and with far less resources than I have.
I believe that it’s inevitable to compare ourselves with others.
We do it consciously, subconsciously, and maybe even unconsciously.
Ok, that was some forced levity.
Reframing your reality does not cure your loneliness, but it forces you to take small social risks when you begin to understand the interconnectedness of it all. And that being said, I began thinking, “It’s almost ironic to be lonely within this vast network of life where millions of others are experiencing something very similar. Collectively, we experience being disconnected from the collective!”

Merry Christmas!
Love, Matt
2024 12 25
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