Unlearning “It is what it is!” Surviving weak language and unquestioned acceptance!

If you are squeamish, don’t watch the clip. The bad guy gets stabbed in the throat with a pen, on an aeroplane, no less.
The movie clip is from the 2005 flick, “Red Eye.”

I like the cinematography, focusing on the eyes, being the windows to the soul, and all.
The shortened synopsis for the scene is: Girl reveals to bad guy she was assaulted once, bad guy assumes she accepted it. Girl surprises him by denying unmitigated acceptance, and subsequently stabbing him in the throat.

I watched this movie, “Red Eye,” years ago when it was initially released. But only recently did I marry the idea of that insidious phrase, “It is what it is!” to that stab-a-throat scene.

I can’t stand the phrase, “It is what it is!”
The dislike is a me-problem.
This pervasive little phrase is not a cardinal sin.
I do hold the belief, though, that it helps foster unhealthy, or inconsistent linguistic habits.

“Words create worlds,” a phrase first attributed to Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel.
My question to you is, “Why create worlds, in which you might be helpless, or a victim?”

One of my crusades is to talk to people within the corporate world, where they create unsatisfying spaces, by using weak words, weak language and believing it’s “OK” because “everyone” there does it.
I also said, this is not cardinal sin, but we all know how small habits can compound our behaviour into bigger things. We can systematically train ourselves to become helpless, within a specific context, through the application of small increments.

The big takeaway for me is, if you want to appear more professional in a boardroom, or during a presentation, or even when you chat about statistics next to the water-cooler, consider cutting out the personal value-judgements from your speech. Yeah, it really does not help your professional image!
And keep in mind, there is a difference between well-placed humour, and arbitrary value-judgements.

“It is what it is,” adds, not only a personal value-judgement, but also a type of conversation-killer to a conversation, implying, or inferring, “there will be no more discussions! I have decided this is the situation, and nothing more is to be done, or discussed!”

On a sobering note, I have worked in the trenches alongside longtime-corporate-fans of “It is what it is!”
One ex colleague suffered from a debilitating stroke, and his favourite phrase for confronting stressful times, yep … You guessed it, “It is what it is!”
He recovered, and fortunately began to substitute “that” phrase with things such as, “I will get in contact with those who can possibly provide alternative solutions!”
Some of the others, who also sacrificed their health to “applying unquestioned acceptance” still love their favorite phrase.

I’m going to add this following sentence in BOLD for the whataboutists: A single phrase won’t (suddenly) cause health problems. But a single phrase, if used often enough can begin to contribute to other unhealthy word-choices, and believing, and living them on a subconscious level.

I view IIWII as a redundant phrase: Word-baggage. Often used out of sheer habit, You can add it to any email, WhatsApp communication, or MS Teams Message, and it won’t actually change anything, except maybe the way you train yourself to think! Remove that bit from the email, and guess what, your content stays the same! The message stays the same.

I uphold the view that you always have a choice, if only within the way you react. If only within the way you respond to the next problem that comes after this seemingly insurmountable obstacle.
Years ago, in-between retrenchments, I taught a course on “Advanced Computing” to pay my bills. Nothing about the course was “advanced,” but I loved teaching that class. The students also appeared to enjoy most of it, at least.
Together we developed a thought-experiment to elucidate the pitfalls of using “It is what it is” within the world of software creation.
Ok, the initial idea was to demonstrate issues within a SDLC, but eventually the experiment veered towards “soft-skill,” philosophy, rather than the specific philosophy of creating a system.

We came up with this: (Insert dramatic music)

Joe Blogs rushed to a demo, and did bother to refuel his car. It’s crunchtime.
It is what it is.
Rely on the fuel gauge to be accurate.
Joe races past a service station, despite having had adequate time to fill-up.
So about 2 miles down the road, the vehicle sputters to a complete standstill.
There in that spot, Joe sighs, and says, “It is what it is!” He dies on that deserted road.
Nothing was to be done.

The End.

The ensuing discussion, after the proposal of the experiment, delivered the real good stuff.
Some students formulated similar questions.

1.  Why did Joe not walk back, 2 miles is nothing?
2.  Why did Joe not even check the engine?
3.  Did Joe have a mobile phone? Why did he not call a friend? Did he have friends?
4.  Did Joe have any emergency rations with him? Lunch perhaps?
5.  How long did Joe sit in that car, days, hours? Did a wild animal get him?

One objective of the thought-experiment was to dig into absurdity, or hyperbole as a tool to shine light on what we often perceive to be “insurmountable odds.”

Yeah, I know, all analogies are reductive by nature, but again, the idea is to question tired phrases, and to my mind, “it is what it is” is ready for retirement.
From that experiment, mentioned above, the unanimous verdict was, “Joe is an idiot.” Anyone with half a mind would walk back, while they still have strength!

So let’s quickly focus on you! You, who is reading this lengthy piece. Have you ever looked at a situation, from the sidelines, thinking, or saying, “Why don’t they try this, or that?”
I can also assure you, others have done it to you! Where you found yourself in a tight spot, where you thought something was seemingly without a solution, or “it is what it is!”
Just know, people could be looking at you and saying, “What’s his problem, he can try this, or that?”
Important to note here! I am certainly not pandering to listening and absorbing everything that people mouth-off to, but the principle holds, when you choose to step away from a problem, where you used to use “It is what it is,” you will inevitably get a different view. I can propose, move as far away as you possibly can, and attempt, just attempt looking at your own problem from the proverbial sidelines.
C’mon, guys, nothing about this is new?
Ye know, “get perspective, find some distance, my son!” That stuff still works!
Here is where I often get hit by all kinds of flak, such as “But it’s not easy!” They will say, “You don’t understand my problem!”
Oh yes, I can fully agree!
It’s just that the “It is what it is” policy is not always the easy route either! Not in the long run.

Gary Vaynerchuk, entrepreneur and online persona, proposes we should not be afraid to repeat ourselves. So here goes:
At the very least there is always something you can do, if only through choosing a different reaction. That reaction, or response you decide to choose could determine the outcome of the next obstacle, which might have a solution, because issues do not present themselves in isolation.

One of the most heartbreaking books I ever read was “Man’s search for meaning,” by Victor Frankl. He describes how one of the prisoners, despite having next to nothing, still chose to give away what little he had. That was his act of defiance against unconditional, and unquestioned acceptance.

A quick way to debunk “It is what it is,” is to throw the phrase back at someone, next time there is a crisis. You could get fired, but you would have made a point. Don’t slavishly follow this advice, but think about it silently, at least.
One day, when you are ready to resign, and it coincides with a system crash, and everyone rushes to troubleshoot problems, just calmly say, “It is what it is,” and then, closely observe the reaction of those who always love using it!

Matt
2025 02 24

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Phew… Is that disclaimer even legally sound?